After all we're only human

Daniel The Handsome Beast?

2010-05-21T23:45:00.006+10:00

Daniel 1.

The king of Babylon (King Nebuchadezzar) decides to take some of the Israelite royalty and to train them up to serve in the king's palace. So he calls the official to go find Israelites within the royal family. The king sets the guidelines for what kind of men that he is looking for (v4):

Young;
without any physical defect;
handsome;
showing aptitude for every kind of learning;
well informed;
quick to understand; and
qualified.

When I read this, I just imagined some super attractive, super beast, perfection of a man.

So in verse 6, we read that it is Daniel who is chosen.

So at this point I'm thinking, Daniel - God gives him the gift of visions and dreams and how to interpret it and gives him the ability to remain unscathed in the lion's pit. So not only does he meet all the king's criteria, he goes on to do great things for God as well.

So now I envision a man not only extremely handsome and strong, but mega holy as well.

I planned to continue reading, but I became very quickly distracted by what this man would be like; so I decided to google him.

This is some of what I found:

Okay so my visual image wasn't quite what I expected. But I did notice a couple of things.

Firstly, why is the first picture Daniel pretty much naked, a huge beast and is in a pit full of crazed lions but yet in the second image Daniel is fully robed, (from what I can see) is pretty average size and is in a pit full of friendly lions.

Makes you wonder, what all these people even looked like, I guess we'll never know until we're up there.

Season for change

2010-03-01T10:32:00.003+11:00

Times are changing and whether you like it or not, you are always going to be part of change. But I can admit that I haven't displayed the best of myself in the process of change itself. Life is full of ups and downs and we all know this because it's just the way life is. But it's how we deal with these times, especially in volatile times does not necessarily reflect your true nature but I believe gives us an opportunity to trust and obey God's voice. I have been the biggest culprit in ignoring the Lord when he has been testing and challenging me. I know what is right and I can hear what he is saying, but I am choosing to ignore it. In my own stubbornness and pride, in ignoring what the Sprit has been trying to teach me, I know that I have hurt people along the way and I am truly sorry. But it's never too late to start following God's commands.

The Lord has plans for us,

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

- Jeremiah 29:11

and He wants us to display His grace and his love for His people the way that he does for His people himself.

I've been praying and reflecting on the words of others in ministry and thinking that if the Lord will only test you to what you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), then the Lord knows that whatever He puts us through that we can overcome it and that we are ready to overcome it. But what helps me to keep going is the knowledge that our God has the faith in us to be able to overcome all we encounter in life. God, the creator of the universe, our most gracious, loving, kind and all knowing Father knows that we have the ability to overcome the devil.

It's always harder said than done, but it is our attitudes that the Lord looks at. He doesn't judge us according the actions of others or the words that they speak, but He judges us according to our hearts.

And ultimately, at the end of my life, I want to stand before the Lord and hear him say,

"...Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness."

- Matthew 25:21

I want fan gao

2009-11-19T00:59:00.004+11:00

Thought upon thought and the next minute you know your head is overloaded with thoughts. What still has to be done, what is going to happen and whether you will get everything done in time. I can't help but feel that by putting every new thought into my brain, another falls out. Not only that, taking on responsibility has a different feel. What are we going to eat, where are we going, what are we going to do now and how are we going to do it? The same questions applied at a different time would be of substantially less importance. That's when you realise shit, I am an adult; things matter.

On a lighter note, bought my first suit today, all ready for work on Monday. Made me think, even though money is merely material, imagine if you didn't have to worry about qeen at all. You had so much qeen that purchasing goods was never an issue. And in the shops, you would never have to go through my most frequent motion:
Leng: Oh so nice
Ka: Yeh, but mo qeen.
in every single shop.

4 more days of freedom until I have to endure 3 full months of intensive labor. I find comfort in the fact that 5 days of every week I get to SUIT UP!

Changing Things Up

2009-10-25T17:14:00.003+11:00

So bored with life lately. Might try getting into the goth phase. Suggestions, anyone? If not goth, I think maybe skater.

I'll have my cake and eat it too

2009-08-24T22:09:00.004+10:00

Lately I have been filled with discouragement and feelings of failure from those around me. Despite trying my best to please others and do my best for God, I feel like I am failing at what I am attempting to achieve. It feels as if nothing that I can do can please them and nothing that I will ever do will satisfy their need to criticize what I do. I'm finding it difficult to listen to the Spirit of God if all I hear around me are negative thoughts; but it is there, amongst all the chaos. If you listen, you will hear it. Ignore what everyone else says and keep your heart strong and set your eyes on the Lord and His Spirit will be with you.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

- Deuteronomy 31:6

Set your heart right and you shouldn't fear for the Lord will be behind you. Be as Joshua and Caleb were to the Israellites and stand firm in the Lord. Do not be afraid, to the extent of death for the Lord will be backing you and that's all you need and you will receive the promise that God will give to you. You will be rewarded in heaven for your faithfulness and obedience to his word.
At the same time, there is no need to lash out at others for their criticism and attacks, set your heart right for God; he is only looking at your heart and will judge them accordingly. Nothing you can do can change their attitudes and thoughts unless they decide to change it themselves.

It's difficult, but I need to remind myself that I can follow in God's way and be content within my soul that God is pleased with my service and that my heart is in the right place. I will have my cake and eat it too.

2009-08-15T13:54:00.004+10:00

In your lifetime you meet so many people who hurt you and you remember it forever. More often than none you are forced to interact with them all the time and you just have to suck it up and keep on going. But in your heart you are still holding on to the past, still resenting them, even if it were only a harmless mistake or error in judgment. We have no authority on judging others, but still choose to do so in the quietness of our hearts.
But sometimes it just hits you; we really don't have any authority on it. We have no right to be "nyang" to others, because we really have no right to.

nyang - n. an abstract definition describing one's frustrating attitude due to their stubborn and/or unrepentant nature.

- dictionary of Tron

A wise robot told me that it doesn't matter what has happened in the past with you and it doesn't matter what has happened in the past with anyone else, there is no reason to be nyang with anyone, because in the end it doesn't matter.
I have decided, that he is completely right. Letting everything go and deciding to live as God intended.

But once in your lifetime you meet some people who you just trust because you just can. Nothing that they do can rub you up the wrong way. You just respect them for who they are and the values that they hold. A person that is truly a child of God and you can see it without having to search for it. You don't even need to spend time with them to build up enough courage to tell them them anything and everything if you wanted to. There's something about them, they've been given a gift from God. For me that person is you Chloe Au :)
See I told you I would write for you; I'll always be cheering for you.

Some humor for the chef

2009-07-28T23:27:00.003+10:00

Me to mum: "I don't have any hazelnut meal, can I use almond meal instead?"
Marcus: "Why don't you just use oatmeal?"
Me & Mum: Laughing.

2009-07-15T23:32:00.002+10:00

'If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died- more than that, who was raised to life - is is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, not any powers, neither height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

Romans 8:31-39

It does matter, but at the same time it doesn't. Being scared as hell but knowing at the same time the God of the heavens and the earth has His hand upon you. We cannot hold our faith in the things of the earth or we will rot ourselves to the core. But instead look to God, where our hope is found. He will shelter us from the storm and he will protect us from our innermost fears. He knows they are there and he is there with them. All I can pray is that he will protect me now; that he will keep me safe from all harm. Because without him there is fear.

Just in our nature

2009-06-25T21:01:00.008+10:00

It's just in our nature to care about those who we love. Whether we be related or not, we will go above and beyond to protect them. But it is important to remain objective when it comes to conflict and problems that happen in life. I choose to believe that even staying impartial and putting myself in their shoes and the shoes of the other, that I am on the right side of the fence. I've been thinking and I have come to a very obvious but I suppose real conclusion, conflict arises when people only have their own interest at heart. Maybe I've just been doing way too much management revision, but conflict begins when people are only thinking of themselves and I am seeing this not only in management but in the relationships between others around me. Whether people be right or wrong, they are still thinking about themselves. But at the same time, I think there is a point where people just can't think about themselves and have to think about their actions and the consequences that their actions have. And more than that if the mistakes you are making are repeats of history, it's definitely time to stop and think about what you are doing.

Okay enough ranting about the thoughts in my head, exams are finally over and I'm sick. Hooray! Time to spend more time doing the things I love with the people I love. Hence I am sitting in Ruth's bed listening to the sounds of Typing Maniac. I don't think I will ever be able to play that game and enjoy it, it is just way to stressful. I just watch in admiration of people play, especially Marcus. I would post a picture of his game face, but yeah he just might kill me.
Ooh speaking of Ruth, WHALE!
Anyway as holidays now here, it is time for some well needed and deserved rest, cooking with Tran, sewing and more work. Despite the fact that scholarship payments are 3 months away, I need to learn the value of money. Need to work more, and save up enough money; have to learn to save better.

Just because it gives Leng the jeebies :)

Happy Birthday Ma :)

Waffle Kingdom

2009-06-14T22:02:00.005+10:00

Why money should grow on trees

2009-06-11T19:47:00.001+10:00

I need to work more.

Slagathor

2009-06-10T19:48:00.003+10:00

Welcome to the family, we're glad that you have come Sunbeam WM7500

Like A Boss

2009-06-08T12:08:00.000+10:00

Hope this makes your day as much as it made mine.

Acting Far Too Old For Far Too Young An Age

2009-04-24T21:54:00.017+10:00

So this is really sad right. What makes me happy in life is cooking and sewing. I feel like a housewife. No I wouldn't extend that to a grandmother thank you very much Binh Hoang, but I do enjoy it. So today, I finished my new laptop case and I happen to like it, even if other people don't. Yes you know who you are, go hang your head in shame. Other than that, I made pizza the other day and yes it was friggin sweet :) Pizza and a good old cup of 'trung nguyen'; nothing can top that. Okay that is a lie.

Another realisation that I've had today is that I'm old. Not old relative to my entire life (or I'd like to think) but just the fact that I'm going to be 19 is mind boggling. I've lived for that long on this planet. Everyday goes by so fast and the problems that seemed so prominant in my life in the past have been pushed far back into history. All the moments in my life which I remember all so well, really happened so long ago; it has been an interesting journey. I can lie and say that I have had no regrets in my life, but I do see how through the tough times God has really pulled me through and I can see the friends who have pulled me through the times and realise their importance in my life. I know I don't mention it enough, but thanks.

Okay so question: Is it possible for there to be 3 bad drivers in the same vicinity at the same time?! And how did I land myself in the middle of them all? Idiots.
Okay so for the purpose of explanation, douche 1 is D1 and so forth. As I was turning right (and yes I did have my indicator on) D1 decides to go forwards while I'm half way through the round about. There are cars blocking where she wants to go so a) she now too is stuck in the middle of the round about and b) she blocks the entrance for me to go through the round about so consequently I am now stuck in the round about. Idiot count: 1. So when the cars ahead begin to move she moves out, but then D2 decides to go through the round about as well, not giving me a chance to go through, so being as pissed off as I was at the time, I horned her. Idiot number 2. Then D3, decides to try to overtake me to go around the car blocking me to get through the round about. Even if he did get past me, he wouldn't have been able to pass through anyway because D2 decided to block the entrance after D1 had done so. Anyway so D3 decides to horn me for goodness knows what reason so I death glared him. Idiot number 3. So the only questions that remain: Is it possible for there to be 3 bad drivers in the same vicinity at the same time?! And how did I land myself in the middle of them all? Yes, they are still all idiots.

Anyway off to bed early tonight for 2 reasons: I have a massive headache that is killing me and cirque du soleil tomorrow night so I'd better get up early to get some study in. Goodnight :)

Pure imagination

Payday

2009-04-23T20:46:00.007+10:00

So I have decided right, that you're not cool unless you wear a towel turban. Not really I just did it after my shower and laughed at how much of a douche I looked like.

Uneasy sleep last night; tossing and turning, praying and wondering, thinking for way too long. Paid the price during my lectures today, tuned out to most of what was being said. However, I started to pay more attention after I found out that I received payment today :)
Yes you want to be my friend now...BUT IT'S TOO LATE! Still need to buy new pants :(

So this week, went to Jason Mraz, all my videos are pretty much shatner cos I wasn't looking at where I was taking the video. But yeah sound is still good, so have a listen; you will fall in love.

Love is waiting

You And I Both

2009-04-19T19:37:00.009+10:00

Today we bid farewell to Mong once again. It has been a good 2 weeks spending time with this kid; he will be sorely missed. Thanks for all your words of wisdom and your foolish things you do which make me laugh so hard. You truly are a great friend.
I probably haven't used these holidays to really optimise my time in terms of doing the things I really enjoy - not enough sewing or decorating, but I'm really glad that I got to spend so much time with Mong. I am paying the consequences though, micro mid-sem tomorrow. I really am going to fail and I really don't want to study. Why I am blogging, who knows.

An additional rant, lost weight so most of my pants are too big for me; now I need to buy new pants, waste of money. And on the issue of money, scholarship payment still hasn't come and I am beginning to fall impatient. After it comes, I will be a happier person. And I can buy new pants.

I have realised that gym has also made me a happier person. All my frustrations are poured out into the cross trainer. Pains and hurt are used to drive me to go at it harder and faster and afterwards, you just feel so good. The only downside is that you have to buy new pants. I am really frustrated that I have to go buy new pants. Can you tell?

Religious rant for today. Something that I also have been pondering for a while is that God always has a plan for us. I guess when you're in a difficult situation, it's so easy to give up and stop trying, but at the end of the day, God has a plan for every situation and you will be glad that you suffered to be rewarded with whatever God has installled for you. I've spent so long giving up hope and just not trusting that God knows what is best for me, that I didn't find joy in God. Now I just realise that no matter what through the good and the bad times, joy can always be found in God and what you have been so graciously given to us by him. I know this disproves the theory that I am emo inside, but sorry, I whole heartedly believe it. I've probably had this same revelation once before, but meh, it's what I'm thinking.

"...We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

You Make All Things New

2009-04-18T12:40:00.007+10:00

So the other day, I decided to eat instant noodles, after not having them in how many months. I think the last time I had them was in Hollands house in Malaysia. It has been that long. So I cooked them and everything, took 2 mouthfuls and felt sick. I had to feed it to the chicken so my mum wouldn't kill me for wasting food. Anyway after I wake up this morning I decide again, to eat instant mee. Why? I don't know. I am craving something that I know is going to turn out bad. Is that weird? SO I decided to eat them without cooking them, cos I used to do it as a kid and I'm thinking it will be a good idea; wrong again. I feel sick.

So even if no one but Mark Ong is proud of my achievement, I ran 5km in 20 minutes on the cross trainer; best invention ever. Gym has been really good for me, makes me feel really good and helps me to get my mind off things. Missed today's step class at 9:30. Woke up at 9:55am. Luckily no one else went. I might just go for suana later to sweat out all the crap I just ate. Speaking of which, "jockey" and "crotch fat" woman LOVE you.

Jason Mraz on Monday; I'm so excited. Sad thing is I have an accounting assignment and an Eco mid-semester on Monday as well. I've finished the accounting part of it, it's just the eco that worries me; worst subject ever. SIGHborg, I am just procrastinating. I should really study.

So Jon and I were discussing the concept of patience a while back. Sometimes we think that we have waited long enough. But think about this. Moses waited 40 years to develop the kind of patience that God wanted him to have. 40 years! I don't know if I could do that.
So I was doing some reading in my quiet time and I was reading Psalm 130:

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

I have been thinking a lot about developing the kind of patience that God wants us to develop. I really admire the way that a person can say that their soul is waiting and and put so much hope in the Lord. I guess I'm beginning to really understand that in difficult situations you can cling to his promise that there is hope; and sometimes that's all you have to look to. My ranting might all just seem a bit random and detached, but I was really touched by God when I read this.

Just incase you haven't heard, my phone has broken so don't sms me. I can pick up calls and I can call you 'cos my memory of how to use my phone is that good. But I am not telepathic, I can't read what you are saying to me without seeing it myself. So yeah, I don't hate you if I haven't been replying your messages or returning your calls. I just don't know you're contacting me.

Giving it up so easily; never stop to look at what's behind.

Just another one of those days...

2009-04-06T00:19:00.006+10:00

It's just another one of those days where:

It's cold and wet outside
You have to study when everyone else is on holidays
Your VISA bill is due
Spirits are low
When you feel so surrounded by all your life problems without any solutions.

But then you can curl up in your bed where it is warm and just talk to your best friend on the phone for hours, just because you can and because she will. That's just who she is; the best. Never asking for anything in return and loves you despite the fact that you're a mess.

Spinsters for life; we can get cats.

2009-03-27T01:35:00.002+11:00

I can't sleep. My thoughts keep me awake and they hit my stomach and I just feel sick. I am trapped and there is no escape; I just want out.

2009-03-16T22:27:00.005+11:00

I came home from BSF and jumped on ebay, and on my homepage I got this. You might have to open it up. Freaky?! hahah I just realised there was someone who signed in on msn. whoops.

On another note Happy Birthday Jiun my cousin! Hope you're not freezing your ass off in Tasmania. Enjoy my birthday present to you :)

Sighborg, uni tomorrow. 9-4:30; ahh the pain :(

The very thing that is making you live is killing you

These foolish things

2009-03-13T09:05:00.002+11:00

When you say 'jump', I will say 'how high?'
But you shouldn't have asked in the first place.

In sickness

2009-03-09T09:55:00.006+11:00

I'm friggin sick as a dog. Last night I decided it would be a good idea to sleep early. So I slept at 10:30. Little did I know I would have to get up 4 times in the next hour to have coughing fits followed by..wait for it...munting. I haven't munted in years so when it happened I was quite suprised. Sorry if this disturbs you, just skip to the next paragraph if it does. Anyway, so I had soup for dinner, so that was pretty lucky 'cos there were no "bits", and it was a bit like a beaten egg, everything was held together so it wasn't painful or gross or anything. Okay it was still gross, but it was overall a pretty satisfying munt; I hate being sick.

Yesterday went to Ashley's to have Nasi Lemak, friggin king. The only reason I'm mentioning it, is cos I'm craving. Oh and 'cos Ashley's house is the bomb dig. ("Sam is that the right word" - Scabby)

Just watched the highlights of this mornings match against Burnley, WOO we're coming back. Persistent faith has resulted in goodness, pure goodness.
I think I've found a new love : Carlos Vela. Cesc Fabregas will regain his position if he starts scoring, or at least playing soccer; too much faith invested in him. Vela on the other hand, scored a mighty fine goal.
Oh and note, glad that V.Persie has decided to sorta change his hair. I don't really know if it constitutes as change, but it's starting to look better. And also maybe it's just me, but does Arshavin sorta sound like 'ass shaving'? I know I'm not supposed to pay out players of my own team, but seriously, doesn't it?

Anyway time to hit the books. Despite the fact that my contact hours are fewer than most, I still have a mountain of homework that needs to be done. Cyborg; luckily I have 5 days in which to complete the work. However I second Alex's whinging, I need a job.

Welcome to our world

Screw saving Bandit, save Mohammed!

2009-03-04T01:33:00.005+11:00

I should have done it for $100 bucks.

First day of uni. Off to a great start. Woke up at 7:45am got ready and got to the bus stop where the bus was 30 minutes late. So I was late for my first lecture. So I get to my lecture and Marcus randomly punches me in the arm. I freak out and think I'm in the wrong place, only after did I realize that a) he is doing the same subject as me and b) he could have taken me to uni in the beginning. All in all, it was a pretty tiring day with pretty much back to back classes from 9am until 4:30pm (yes first years suck, we get the idea Binh), but what kept me going was going to the Coldplay concert.
I have created a parallel between bad music and hell. You just want it to be over, but it continues over and over again. Yes, my idea is plausible.
Anyway, I should sleep, but that's the beauty of only going into Uni 2 days a week; sleep is for the weak. Contemplating whether to go to centrelink tomorrow or not. I hate Centrelink.

Friggin sweet.

Yellow

My Love

2009-03-02T14:42:00.009+11:00

I was supposed to blog yesterday, but just KOed instead. Stayed up on Saturday night 'till 5:30am and woke up at 8:30am (3 hrs<4 hrs Jon) to make Leng's baptism present; Leng megaly proud of you. Anyway after my multiudes of lies, managed to get Leng to my house for her surprise BBQ :)
And yes, a BBQ is possible for vegetarians.

I finally moved back into my room and have began cleaning stuff up. I think deep inside, I am a hoarder (not whoreder Marcus). But I more than that I rather be clean than anything else, so I'm trying to be RUTHless and just throw stuff out that I just don't use. Here's the dilemma, I used to make a lot of paper stars and now I've just got a lot of them in a bag on my floor. What on earth am I supposed to do with them?

Just to mimic Jon, I also am not that pumped for Coldplay (Coldgay? Gayplay?) tomorrow night; even though tickets aren't out yet, I'm so pumped for John Mayer. Friggin LOVE. Anyway I should get pumped, somehow.

Going to BSF tonight. I'm pretty scared of being the person who doesn't know anything or who says something completely stupid to a bunch of strangers. I suppose that's what we're all pretty comfortable with in our own small/grow groups, being able to just talk about stuff so much more freely. I guess I'm just being pushed over by my own fear.

Anyway Uni tomorrow. Fully ceebs man. Oh well maybe I'll get to see Holland, who decided that he doesn't love us enough to stay with us anymore :( It's okay I still love you Holland.

Come back home

Freshly Painted

2009-02-23T23:27:00.009+11:00

So over the past couple of days, I've been repainting and cleaning up my room. On Friday, I decided that it was time to paint my room. So I had bought this can of paint on special. Long story short, ended up running out of paint and it looked really bad. So I bought a new can and repainted it. Also bought a new shelf from IKEA. Anyway there is a point to this apart from telling you that I have repainted my room. When I was putting stuff back away, I realised I have way too many hair accessories. Anyway took a picture to show you. OH and I washed my carpet. Friggin feral as man. I vacuumed it, then I washed it and used a wet vacuum to clean it. When I looked inside, it was like greyish/brownish murky water. So disgusting. So I rewashed it, but still was just as dirty. Now I have a wet floor. Anyway, here's my room now:

Something special had to be the first thing to go on the shelf!
Headband collection?

mmmm clean wet carpet :)

On a more sad note, decided to get rid of my sewing machine from my room :( I decided to say goodbye to my sewing machine for a while, so I put it downstairs in a hope that I will stop touching it when uni starts. However, if I'm out of a job, I'm going to pick it up again. I've practically bought a years supply of material to use anyway.

Anyway Holland came back on Sunday, welcome home Holland :) Anyway being the best cousin that he is, he brought me back a weiner dog that I wanted. Thanks Nee for buying it, also the best cousin ever. Oh and so sorry to hear about your hamster :( I'm so sad. Anyway Jon has come up with the greatest name for it, so here, let me introduce you to Kransky.

Isn't he beautiful? :)

Oh so I was supposed to go to Cait's 18th on Saturday, but ended up tutoring for 2 hours instead of 1 and then I didn't end up going. I had the best costume ever and I promised I'd show her, but every picture I took, seriously they all looked bad. So Beny has involuntarily volunteered to be my model. Thanks Beny :)
For the past couple of months, God has been speaking to me about the same thing over and over: faith. Something that I have struggled with for a long time is having the faith to believe that God has a plan and that I shouldn't fear because it will be okay. With my academic results, I prayed to God to show me the right path to follow and I whole heartedly believe he did. And in hindsight, I know that all the stressing out and the worrying about what the future held was all futile. But now, I'm back to square one. I just can't help but think when on earth will this be over? When will I be able to go to sleep without having to worry about how I am going to get through this, what I am supposed to do or how to deal with the way I feel. I can go to sleep knowing that I won't be haunted by it in my dreams or having to deal with the frustration and hurt that I feel. But you know what? God has said to me this:

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
- Matthew 11:29

Another thing that God has reassured me of lately is that he is my number one priority. I am glad that I am getting on track with him and I know that now that I am in uni with days off and more free time, I will have more and more oppotunities to serve him. I will never regret the things in my life if I know that I have done it to become closer with God. However the discussion that we had at J-Walk reminded me about how little we actually do live our lives for God. Speaking of J-Walk, seriously all time favourite quote from Faith Wong, "When I think of hell, I think of watching Law & Order, by myself!"; seriously love faith :)

On another note, you may or may not have realised that Leng deleted her blog so that we could not have the pleasure of viewing it anymore. So so sad. Also, we got married and our celebrant Jon Fee was sweating when he was reading the thang thang. Ashley, even though you don't know it, you were the witness.

Oh furthermore, Jason Mraz tickets came today hooray! Things are starting to look brighter.

Nothing Ever Hurt Like You

2009-02-19T10:02:00.001+11:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
http://www.xanga.com/leng_istry
Secret is out my friend.
Love you :)

Grey Room

2009-02-19T01:39:00.004+11:00

Thanks for helping me not to restore my faith in mankind. But moreso, thanks for letting me hate you, even though you didn't really do anything except for talk to me. Thanks for admitting that you were in the wrong. An apology from you, even though I wasn't looking for one. It still helps. Moreover thanks for giving me hope and faith that it will be okay and for trying to force me to just chill. Thanks for helping me lose weight and for saving my mind. But you will never be able to change what happens up there during my slumber; sorry. You are a good friend to me, despite the fact that you really don't know it. I suppose you do give me faith, but that doesn't redeem you completely.

Hungerpain

Blur King

2009-02-17T21:56:00.006+11:00

Lately, I've just been so absent minded. Perhaps it's because my mind has been elsewhere, but I've done some stupid things lately. I suppose they don't seem like a huge deal, but, I guess I sorta prided myself in the fact that I was fairly organized and down to earth. Last Saturday on the way to Rowville, I accidently ran a red light and very possibly got flashed. (ahahaha Aunty Susie/Aunty Louise I'm not a bad driver believe me! I'm usually very safe! ) Usually I don't speed and I don't even go through amber lights when they have just turned amber. But I don't know how, my absent mindedness has caused me to do something stupid. Now I just pray that I didn't get a ticket. Last night I had a nightmare I did and the truth is that the nightmare could very easily be a reality. I know that it is my fault, however I didn't do it intentionally and I just feel terrible for doing it.
Secondly, I forgot to RSVP for honours assembly at school today. I don't know how it managed to escape my mind, but it did. Even though it wasn't really a big deal, I still feel awful . Thirdly, I forgot to RSVP for the free double pass to watch The Reader tomorrow night. Once again, even though it's really not a big deal. I dunno I just feel terrible for forgetting so many things. All these small things combined together just make me feel like I'm beginning to forget a lot more things that are important. I hope that this doesn't continue.

On a brighter note, I was going through my old pictures and found these. I love you guys. Oh and Samathy, excellent flag bearing skills today. So proud of you :)

Yay dad just came home. He bought a kitchen scale; typical. Oh well, it's good to have him home.

And I know that I'd be fine, if I had you.

Riot Van

2009-02-16T22:47:00.006+11:00

Okay after being distracted too many times today, I'm finally getting down to it. Going to finally write an entry. I haven't actually being doing all that much the past couple of weeks. Just being a sloth and trying to save some money. What interesting thangs have I been up to? Nothing really, just being a sloth, trying to find a job, but not being successful at it. Went to St Vincents De Pauls on Saturday with Blick at Rowville to help out with the bush fire relief. It was really amazing to see this huge warehouse packed with stuff and just the kindness of the people there. They were all really friendly to talk to and yeah was really enjoyable working there. I strongly encourage you if you have free time to make it down there and help out. We'll be going again on Saturday, ask me for details. Strangely, the aftermath of the bushfire really only hit me when I was walking to the toilet on Saturday and I walked past this section of the warehouse dedicated to Funeral clothing. At first I was thinking 'why would they even need funeral clothing?'. I guess I failed to remember that despite there were so many fatalities, there are so many more people who have lost someone. And moreover, they've lost their homes as well. Just another moment where you really thank God for what you have and really cherish the moments in life you have experienced.

On the other hand, I have come to the realisation that I have an intolerance for people who are inconsiderate. I consider myself to be fairly forbearing, but when it comes to thoughtless and insensitive things, it really makes my blood boil. Imagine blood boiling, like soup...feral. Even though it seems kind of trivial in the big scheme of things, I suppose it's just my thing.

Oh hope you like the new layout. I woke up at 10:00am this morning and tried to change my layout for like 2 hours. Gave up and later on I asked Jon to help me do it and he did it within 5 minutes. Such a waste of time. Sometimes I'm envious of his IT skills; but only sometimes.
Anyway better head off to bed now, have to go to school tomorrow. It's going to be a weird moment, going back to school. But one thing is for sure, I'm not looking forward to waking up at 7:00 am to get to school on time. But I do miss it; even my daily kiss from Leng.

You're a showstopper

Ants, Satan, Bill Gates

2009-02-06T18:36:00.006+11:00

So I spent my better half of my day cleaning ants in Wayne's house. Got bitten by way too many of them. I think by the time my mum and I collected them all together, it would have filled up over a cup. Seriously I've never seen so many ants in my life. You know how in cartoons you get those ant trails? There was one upstairs on the carpet from the bathroom all the way to the bedroom closet. Downstairs there were ants sprawled across the kitchen floor. And you could feel them crawling all over you and when they bit you, it hurt! Anyway I opened the freezer to put something in, and all these frozen ants started pouring out of it. Sam, surely yours wasn't as bad as this?

Mmmm frozen ants. Sorry jon...(hopefully you're not eating dinner again..)

Anyway, I've also been doing some more thinking. Even though it seems like I'm probably stating the obvious (or not?) do you think that God puts us through bad times to just say, hey pay some attention to me? I said to someone a long time ago that whether or not there were bad times, I would always believe in God. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I would turn to him, or even talk to him. It sounds pretty extreme, but it's what I do all the time and I do feel bad for it. So if you look at it that way, I guess you stop being ungrateful for everything that he's done for you and you start to feel more guilty of how you've been neglecting Him. Just how I'm beginning to feel.

You make me smile, even if it's only for a little while

The sun will come out tomorrow

2009-02-02T20:52:00.007+11:00

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Despite both being part of me, my head and my heart are heading in different directions and what I'm supposed to pursue is beyond me. For now, I just don't want to think about it, but even though I'm trying to push it to the back of my mind, it still follows me every night in my dreams. Now I understand why John Mayer says 'waking up is the hardest part'. When you do awake, you come to a realisation that you can't push it back because you know even in your own subconscious it is real and you're forced to deal with it. So many raw emotions are just left exposed and they hurt.
I suppose that's the good thing about my dreams. They tell me how I really feel even if I don't believe it myself. They tell me my wants & fears, my love & hates and most importantly what He wants me to do. But a lot of the time, they are just random.

Apart from a lot of reflection, I finally relieved my sewing itch. Finished myself a pair of shorts, I think that brings my total to 4, but Grace, yours is still my favourite :) I was too lazy to make a start on my dress; when things get tough, I tend to run away from them before I can talk myself into doing it. Just went for a run as well it's been a long time since I last trained and it's starting to show. Tennis yesterday combined with my run today, it can only be summed up with one word - lactic acid. But at least I feel good; I hope the feeling lasts.

Even though I'm probably not ready for it, bring on 2009. We're one month in and although things could be better, I'm glad I've got my friends. And I can't wait to meet many more this year. I don't know what to expect from Uni life, so guess just take it as it comes; I can't wait for my 4 day weekends, AFC1000 with Binh (somebody I actually know) & my scholarship money to roll in.

Leng: check out these babies! (Ignore my running hair and my sweat laden face)

You're so caught up in who you are that you've forgotten who you were

NTS:

2009-01-30T14:55:00.008+11:00

Stop spending money.

I have come to the realisation how cool it would be to have a ghost. Even though the idea of it does sound a bit whack, it would be pretty awesome. You know when you're watching shows about people who talk to the ghosts of dead people or just ghosts in general, even if it is their conscience they still have the ability to rationalize their lives through it and that's pretty much what I want one for. I just wish there was someone who could make sense of everything running through my head and fix it or at least show me what to do.

Here's one of my good dreams as of late. I had a dream that Ash was friends with John Mayer and he was on the phone with him and I was so desperate to talk to him and I was yelling at Ash to let me talk to him and despite hearing me, chose to finish his conversation without letting me talk to him. So I cracked it at him. Why would he not let me meet John Mayer?! Speaking of Ash, Ashley "darling" please stop pranking my house.

On another note, today I found curly fries! So excited! Anyway thought that they wouldn't taste as good as Malaysian maccas, they still exceeded my expectations :)

YUM YUM HEE HA HA.

I realise that I need to spend less money, do more sewing, more cleaning, more exercising, more cooking and get a job. I am going to be completely contradictory and will resume bathing in my sweat and watching the tennis.

It's just the way you say my name which throws me.

I'll be better when I'm older

2009-01-21T01:32:00.004+11:00

"Holy living begins with getting rid of selfishness in your life. The paradox of happiness is that it comes when you forget about yourself and live to help somebody else. I found out that you can't be happy if you have yourself on your mind all the time."

God, you assure me that I'm doing the right thing; I just need your help to achieve what seems impossible.

I love gardening!

2009-01-08T20:05:00.002+11:00

The conversation which happened at the dinner table:
Dad: Hey ka, did you want to help me do gardening tomorrow?
Me: (Reluctantly) err....okay.
Dad: Good, I'm glad you still like to do gardening
Me: Since when have I ever liked to do gardening?
Dad: You wrote it down! (Hands me a piece of paper)

How embarrassing...

Sitting With A Stranger

2009-01-07T21:43:00.007+11:00

Over the past two days, I've become reunited with my sewing machine and my bicycle.
Went for the best ride EVER yesterday, although I almost stacked on Jells Road; quite embarrassing. I discovered something interesting. When you ride on rocky terrain, you start to shake and your arm fat jiggles. I think I lost arm fat, just by riding down a hill. Even though I only rode for like 30 minutes, I was like dying, despite the fact that it was half the time of my usual ride. I must be getting more and more unfit. I woke up and there was pain in my butt and up my back. I'm not getting old, so it must be a sign that I'm getting really really unfit.
Came home and helped Dad to paint the laundry! Despite the smell of the paint itself, it was rather therapeutic and felt good to be doing something with my life! I need to start being more productive.
Sat down at 10pm to do some sewing and at 11pm I had to stop because the machine was too noisy and it was disturbing my mothers slumber.
Speaking of sleep, I had a dream last night that I was dreaming about being 40 minutes late to the interview and they rejected me because I wasn't punctual. Then I dreamt I woke up from the dream and made it to the interview, but I was late and for some random reason I took a shopping trolley to the interview. Even though they were reluctant to interview me, the ended up rejecting me because they thought I was illiterate. When I looked at the piece of paper I could read the words on the page, but I had no idea what they meant. I do believe it is a sign that I worry too much about things. But in all seriousness, it does reflect the fact that I'm very scared about tomorrow.
And my rant for today. Went to the bank to do some banking at 4:06, found out that Commonwealth Bank closes at 4. Why can't Commonwealth Bank learn to be as good as Westpac? Not good enough. After I got home from the bank, where I didn't actually go, I finally hopped on my machine and finished my dress! And it only took me like a week? I have learnt my lesson, use a pattern next time.

Missing all of you who are away. This is our tribute to you.

Waiting to see you again.

Starting Anew

2009-01-04T00:03:00.007+11:00

Since I have come back, I haven't really had enough time to actually miss being in Malaysia, but to a certain degree I do. But I'm really glad to come back home. Sadly at the same time Ash, Blick, Jon, Holland, Marcus and Weragoda have all gone.

When I arrived home, I was welcomed by a "surprise" gathering. (Marcus is only getting better with surprises with age). I didn't really have much time to even unpack when Rufus, Marcus and Wikity dragged me out of the house only hours after landing.
The following day, Jon's 18th/NYE bash. Awesome night, full of very memorable moments that I will never forget. Speaking of which:

Happy 18th Birthday to my cousin, Jon

Ignore Ben in the bottom.

The following day, went out with Marcus before he left for Singapore before spending the night/morning with Bon, Leng, Lex, Rufus and Jon on iChat. Good good times. Check out one of my favourite photos of the night. Just check out Beny's face.

Smiles for the best cousin ever.

Since I have come back, I have turned on Sloth mode as well as "blur king" as Rufus describes it. I'm relearning to drive (after a month of not driving) and started to sleep more than I have ever slept before. Today I ashamedly woke up at 2pm. I do believe that is the latest I've ever woken up in my life. I wish I could blame it on jetlag, but sadly I don't think I can.
However, despite promising to not shop, I still have managed to. But I have also continued to use up my time sewing; fun times. I don't know what it is that thrills me about it, but it's just so satisfying.
2009 - I believe is going to be a good year; a year of good friends, good times and my favourite place to be on a Sunday morning. Since I have been away, like many things, I realise how much I miss Grace Church. Speaking of which, I should sleep now for tomorrow and in a hope that my sleeping patterns return to normal.

When it hurts

2008-12-29T06:36:00.000+11:00

Last night, I had food poisoning.

Everytime I Close My Eyes

2008-12-27T03:27:00.003+11:00

I am exhausted and poor. Total amount in my wallet 3.45 RM which equates to $ 1.45 AUD. Went out with Amos again today shopping and we watched IP Man. Seriously a good movie and all for the price of 9RM ($3.75 AUD). Amos and I have labelled it one of the best movies of the year. (Although I have only gone to the cinemas 3 times this year, all of which have been in the past 2 weeks.) Went out for chilli crab and I didn't even take a picture 'cos I was so excited about eating. Then went shopping again and now I am entertaining myself by reading www.mymomisafob.com and www.mydadisafob.com, seriously, really good stuff on there.
Crappy entry like most of my entries, but I'm tired. Sorry.

Christmas in Malaysia

2008-12-26T02:37:00.008+11:00

It's been a good Christmas.

Woke up at 9, for a quick breakfast followed by a 10am service (so awesome!), which was very different to back home, but at the same time, still very familiar. Then went out for lunch at Old Town (for the 10th time this month, no exaggeration) then came home for a bit of rest. Or so I thought. I came home and got changed before getting ready to peel 20kg of prawns, because Martha (yes Sam you love her) decided to come home late, so we had to do her work.

They actually made me feel sick.

After that prepared Christmas dinner with the mother. Just like back home, meat kingdom, but this time, minus some of the family. Apart from happy birthday to Jesus, happy birthday to my baby cousin Tu. He's so cute! I video chatted with him today and he asked me to bring him back a cake from Malaysia, more specifically a ice-cream cake. Furthermore, my grandmother held up a turkey to the webcam and started making it make chicken noises. Hilarious. And as strange as this may sound, we have created an awesome new drink. Gin and tonic, changed to gin and sprite, changed to gin and sprite infused with mango. Awesome stuff. Gin and tonic infused with mango is also good too.

Check out my mum's fat butt (right)

The before and after shot.

Starting to really miss home. 5 more days.

I have furry hair

2008-12-20T03:47:00.008+11:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOAN

I'm running out of money! And I'm singing what I'm typing. I think I am going crazy. Speaking of singing, I've been singing various songs non-stop with my cousins since I started staying with them.

Brittany Spears - Womaniser
"Ken lee"
How does she know? (Yes Weragoda and Jon, you win...)
Mariah Carey - All I want for Christmas
Various other Christmas carols

OH and by the way I heard this remix of How Does She Know in a shop, it was hilarious it was really poppy and just funny. Jon/Weragoda find it. Something that I've grown to hate is all of the Christmas carol remixes which are playing everywhere. It is driving me crazy.

I've decided to try to stop shopping and just relax a bit. I watched The Day The Earth Stood Still with Amos my cousin yesterday, quite a bad movie. But if you do get a chance to watch it, Keanu Reeves speaking chinese, my favourite part of the entire movie. I feel a bit gay, 'cos I got my hair done, my nails done and a facial. It's not as if I'm getting married, however it is cheap. Anyway here is my hair; the woman didn't really do it how I wanted it.

OH my dreams have come true. The first one reads, "I'd like to see Henry dribble in a tux" and the second, "Fabregas is like a cowboy/explorer" Can't remember which one it is. But bottles are downstairs in the fridge and the upstairs is locked (no Weragoda, I do not live in a prison), so I can't go down and check.

Also I found a pacifier in Hollands room. He seems to not know about it, but I believe otherwise.. Anyway back to watching my cousins play the sims. Ahh brings back memories. At the moment we are just killing random people and practically ruining their lives. It took a woman over 24 hours just to die in the swimming pool and now her ghost has come back to haunt the house. Ahh brings back sad sad memories.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

2008-12-14T02:55:00.006+11:00

I had a dream in China that I got an ENTER of 98.85; too bad that dream will never be fulfilled. Coincidentally, my mum had a dream that I started tearing apart my school uniform for no apparent reason. Obviously I am not ready for Monday to come.
Life has been very busy. China and Hong Kong - walking all day; my feet are killing me. It wasn't as good as the first time I went, but was still alright. One thing I can't stand is all the smokers in China, just awful. The worst thing is that it's legal to smoke inside buildings and taking a elevator with a person who is smoking for 16 levels is not good for you. Hong Kong was pretty good, but very busy. Ken took me around which was pretty good, even though he tried to convince me that he was lost just about every hour. I got smart and realised the 3rd time he tried to trick me. So if you even read my blog ken, thanks you're the best grandfather ever...now all you need to do is buy me an apartment block :)
Also I can safely say that I am sick of eating out. 6 days, 3 meals everyday eating out. One thing that I did get out of my trip to China is how fortunate we really are though. 2 days straight, we walked past this woman and a baby sitting on a bridge and she was eating rice out of the bin. It was seriously heartbreaking. Sometimes we have the tendancy to see people in need and really just not help them because we are afraid of what may happen to ourselves and our money. But one thing I have learnt is that charity is not just about being weary about these things. It is doing it knowing that there is a chance that you may be conned. Because if there is a certain percentage of people who are actually in need, who are we to deny them their basic needs? It really isn't fair. I suppose it helped me to get hold of the reality of life and think about what is important. Nothing should be taken for granted and fights and disagreements which people have should just cease; it's really not worth the trouble.
Now that I am back in Malaysia, I have begun to spend too much money once again. Went to 1Borneo again today from 2pm - 9:30pm. Belive it or not, we spent that long in the shopping centre. And being Malaysia, we spent so much money that we got all these free gifts for shopping. So exciting.

Oh and here's the picture of the camel my dad didn't let me ride; I was quite sad.

Waking up is the hardest part

2008-12-05T22:21:00.003+11:00

Spent the day feeling small and inferior. It was Amos' fault.
Went to Gay-a street and ate laksa with hamsup Malays and then we went to 1Borneo to shop and we went to watch Twilight, but it started at 4:50, so we decided to watch it when I get back from China. So we ate doughnuts and had coffee and just chatted for a while.
Even though I haven't seen Amos for about 2 years, it was good to know that we could still get along really well and be idiots together. I guess that's the thing about family, even though you don't spend that much time together, it's easy to reestablish a relationship with one another despite the time spent apart. I just repeated myself and instead of backspacing, I'm just going to leave it there.
I bought another pair of shoes today, which brings my shoes total to about 5, so I should probably stop buying shoes. Speaking of totals, my total mosquito bite count is about 8 or 9, 5 of them on my right arm alone. I don't know how I've managed to have such bad luck, no one else in the house has any bites at all. I guess I just must be mega tasty.
Tomorrow, I leave for China and HK, which means no internet for probably a week. I'm pretty excited. I'm starting to miss home more than I expected, spent today talking to Amos about back home, friends, church and all that. It was good, but it left me pretty sad. Anyway I am out; have a good week :) HAHA just listened to a music file of beny saying "Char siew baooooooo"; good times.

Beyond Imagination

2008-12-04T11:10:00.001+11:00

Friendship is an involuntary reflex, it just happens, you can't help it.

It's Late

2008-12-03T01:32:00.005+11:00

It's 10:30 and everyone is asleep except for me. Well everyone was asleep until someone called the house and woke everyone up. Anyway, 2 entries in a day? I promised ASHLEY that I would blog about this, so I am doing it.

I was freaking out about preferences and I was in the bathroom and I realised, I hadn't committed it to God at all. I have thought about doing it, but I never got around to actually doing it. So I just stopped and prayed about it for a bit and the answer came to me from Ashley from God, not Ashley himself (sorry I promised I'd caps and bold his name).
Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to do medicine. Not because of the money, but because I wanted to help people. That's all I had ever wanted. And I have gone through life with the thought that that's all I was going to do. But even though I could do anything I want (maybe not, but let's just say so), I think that God is just asking me for some time. It doesn't matter what the future holds, but I don't think that he wants me to go through uni just doing uni and struggling through it. I strongly believe that God has closed doors in my life, in order to open others. I think he wants me to push to do more for the Church and to live my life for him and not for myself. I know that doing medicine or a health science will be difficult for me in terms of energy and study and that's not to say other courses won't be, but I think that they are relatively difficult in comparison to other subjects and it will leave me no time for God. I promised God that after VCE I would get more involved in ministry.
I think more often than none we are so strung up with doing what other people think would be good for you or what dreams or aspirations we have for the future or even what other people try to impose upon you, that we begin to forget what God wants for us. We forget that he has a plan and try figure it out ourselves without even approaching him.

So it's 10:44 and everyone is still asleep, apart from whoever just got up to go to the bathroom. I feel relieved with the knowledge that God answered me and I don't need to worry about what the future holds anymore; I just need faith.

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him

Naked in the face of tomorrow

2008-12-02T22:55:00.007+11:00

Yesterday, I finally realised that I am still jetlagged. At 8 o'clock I get really tired and I can barely make it to 12 anymore. I wake up at 6am every morning if I'm lucky, sometimes it's 4 or 5. I also visited the land of Yen Ai, Jie resist the temptation to drool.
Apart from their disgusting herbal tea, they have mango pudding, but not nearly as good as yours jie/ma.

Today was satay day. Yes, the time had finally come. I went to the beach to eat satay and mango juice, which was very watery, but still an experience.

Surprisingly I am missing home a lot more than I imagined. I miss the company of Jie and Tron (despite the roboticness), but moreso, I'm missing the company of my closest friends. I miss freetime and the joy of talking about nothing for 20 whole minutes. I guess I just miss what is ordinary, what is comfortable.
I leave for China and Hong Kong on Thursday, so I'm pretty pumped about that; get to hang out with Ken and see what he does in Fob land and see him in his true fob nature. It's going to be fun. Sadly I just repacked my suitcase, it's quite full already and I haven't bought nearly enough stuff or spent enough money. Good thing about shopping is, it takes your mind off things, which is very helpful. Sad thing is, things aren't as cheap in Australia opposed to over here.

On another note, Doon's dog is leaving tonight, which means no more smsing about which shops are best to go to and such. Have you ever typed something completely wrong in an sms due to predictive text and completely not realised that you did it? Today I msged doon and told him I was drinking "manho juice" at the beach. I'm an idiot. But I will miss having him around here, even though I don't actually see him. Anyway, I am going to return to my slothness and continue watching shows. I finished watching The Office, up to whatever jie gave me and now I'm watching How I Met Your Mother. I should really watch the latest gossip girl too. How exciting.
Oh and Radha and I were having a debate today which I'm sure you all have had too, but Chuck or Nate? Seriously I don't understand how anyone could choose Chuck, but please do enlighten me.

I saw this in the shops today and couldn't resist. Sorry Lex, they didn't have the blue one which you love so much. I even shook it, for old time sake.

The madness of black desert rain that let's you rise up and flourish once again

You Make It Real

2008-11-30T23:56:00.007+11:00

I am extremely tired and probably poor. Today I went to a Chinese church for my grandparents baptism. No idea about what anything that was being said apart from stand up and sit down, but it made me miss church back home and the people there.
Anyway food is still good, weather is still hot, but I'm getting more and more tired. I will probably take a nap before tonights match and luckily enough its at 12 over here :)

I've been doing some serious thinking over the past couple of days about people and more importantly friendships. I think there are so many people in your life who you perceive to be your friends, but how many of them are actually around anytime anywhere. It is only now that I have begun to realise that it is truly difficult to be a friend who selfless. I know that I probably could do a better job of it myself, but that led me to my next thought. We are all so flawed, but we fail to recognise it because of our pride and our egos. As gay as I probably sound, I have decided to become a better person. There is no use in believing that you already good enough at a particular point in time, it would only lead to sloth kingdom for one and you're not helping anyone, especially not yourself.

(1.50 RM roti, fried noodles, 3.50RM soto)

I really want to go on that ride. Even though Ongas is a nutjob for being so obsessed with his bike, I really enjoy just thinking about nothing. Thinking about nothing and just riding; it's such a good feeling, until it's over. It's something I really miss.

I don't believe you and maybe I never will

Satisfied Mind

2008-11-28T22:06:00.003+11:00

Today was an adventurous day at the new Sabah shopping mall. It was so big and so beautiful :)
It was so big that I didn't have enough time to nearly cover half of the mall, so I have to go back tomorrow. Bought shoes...a lot of shoes :)
Anyway this is my daily menu. (L to R: Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner & Dessert) Enjoy drooling :)

Breakfast: "Market mee", ice milo
Lunch: Best laksa EVER
Dinner: Popo's cool beans and ladies fingers
Dessert: Papaya and Starfruit

I'm going shopping now :)

My Hair Is Wet, You Make Me Sweat

2008-11-28T01:10:00.006+11:00

I am at one with my sweat.
It is pretty humid and hot, but I am so far enjoying myself.
Plane ride sucked, I watched Batman but I was too exhausted and fell asleep a couple of times, then the end died, for some random reason. When I got to Sabah, some stupid idiot was playing CS and I just hear "fire in the hole...beep beep beep" then an explosion. So yeah, pretty much crapped my pants for a minute. Who in their right mind would do that?!

Anyway instead of me rambling, here are some photos of day 1 here. The videos, just watch them; good and faithful Astro, how I have missed thee.

So Tired

2008-11-26T00:45:00.011+11:00

Slept at 4am last night, woke up at 8am. Once again the lack of sleep has made me exhausted and probably really cranky. Holland's family have come and I am about to leave.
So the past couple of days, I have been busy cleaning up and going out and I'm really tired and worn out. Just a couple of things I've been keeping busy with: decided to make a felt case for my macbook - success, and I made a huge frame for church, which I have to finish tomorrow before I leave.

10 points to whoever can guess where I took the photo of the frame and the case.

Over the past couple of days, I think that I've come to realise (with the help from Ash) that in the grand scheme of things, there are so many trivial things that happen in our daily lives, that we completely blow out of proportion. And I for one am pretty damn good at being petty. It's what Ongas has been trying to tell me for ages, but I suppose I was just too stubborn to listen. Funny how we just listen to what we want to hear, instead of to what's being said. I suppose it's just another one of those things that we need to work on. I suppose when you step back from everything that's going on around you, you just need to put everything into proportion and ask yourself if it is really worth it. I know that if we all started to, there would be a lot less crap happening between us all.

I just went to pee; I thought it would be a good idea to hold it in, why? Just 'cos. Apart from running into the wall on the way back, I started to remember a conversation Jon and I had about the extremity of needing to pee. The worst is when you need to pee SO badly, that you start to shudder and shiver. Furthermore, peeing in the shower? More gross or just saving the environment? I can see both lines of arguments, but still can't decide which side I'm swaying towards.

Anyway, next time I see you again, will be in Malaysian, in the beautiful sun and wonderful food. Oh and can't forget Martha and Maria my Kakaks. Have a good Christmas and I shall be seeing you all at New Years :)

I can't explain why its not enough, 'cos I gave it all to you.

I don't have to give you a reason

2008-11-24T09:11:00.007+11:00

So tonight is the first night since Thursday where I have been home not just to sleep. I'm exhausted; 14 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights, not good for your head at all, especially when mixed with alcohol.
Just a couple of memorable moments from the past 3 nights:
- "Hey I'm really good looking" (Jon)
- Radha's lapdance
- Our (Radha & I) near death experience in some random person's car
- Seeing Tez and shopping in Mornington
- Chadstone with Leng and Jie
- Soccer with drunken children

Ash: "You know what? I realised it sucks to be a chick. Firstly they have boobs"
Alex: "But I like boobs!"
Ash: "Could you be anymore blunt? Anyway, it sucks to be a chick, they have to buy bread...I meant bras."
Leng: "I am the president and you are all my scum!"

- Lack of sleep: which is evidently kicking in because I find myself awaking having had heavy eyelids. Okay, that made no sense at all probably because I wrote it last night when I was half asleep.

I have just awoken after a solid 8 hours of sleep. My eyes are sore, and my teeth are furry. I just realised I didn't brush my teeth last night, feral cats!

I would put watching Enchanted in that list, but it wasn't memorable, 'cos it sucked! Sorry cuz. Although I must say, I did enjoy Weragoda's rendition of How does she know.
I also bought material yesterday, 'cos it was clearance, I couldn't resist. Now I just need to find the time to sew. Might be a while.Okay I must begin to clean my room and the rest of my house before Holland's parents come tonight. I'm leaving you with a picture I found online yesterday, I thought it was hilarious!

It's like I hardly know you, but maybe I never did.
I'm leaving this time, but this is my last goodbye.

This is a community service announcement:

2008-11-20T19:39:00.004+11:00

Kill two birds with one stone. Use a rusty blade. If that doesn't work, surely you'll get tetanus.

Exams are finally over. What on earth was with the frog in the well and the turtle falling in? So random. I can finally clean my room, sew and do art without feeling the guilt of not studying.
I had a nightmare that I scratched my mac last night, it quite painful. I woke up; so glad that it was only a dream. I think I would cry if it was real.

满意

2008-11-19T02:20:00.017+11:00

So instead of studying last night, I finished off another frame for church. Even though I promised myself no art until exams were over, I just fully can't be bothered studying for Chinese anymore for one, but two I tried to justify it with me doing work for church. Which I was. Anyway, I started experimenting with pearls (PURLS - just for you Jie) and here's what I came up with.

Also started looking at dress patterns. Even though I also promised myself not until after exams cannot tahan, so tempting! I look forward to "sewing until I die" (Jon), although don't know how I'm going to have the funds, since my macbook purchase. We'll see. Also quite angry that lincraft doesn't have the McCall pattern that I wanted and the stupid woman tried to give me a size 14-20 or something, then she genuinely said, "that won't fit?" Speaking of size, I don't know how, but I've managed to lose 2.6 kilos over the past couple of months. Hopefully will lose some more in Malaysia with the blistering and sweltering heat. I can't wait.

Last night I had a dream that I was going to Alena's Birthday at some club in the city, and my sister wanted me to go straight after we went to the shops to pick something up or something. Anyway, so we caught the train, which was for some random reason on Ferntree Gully Road at which point did I realise that I was wearing pyjamas. So I tried to convince Rufus to go to the club, while I caught a train back home to get changed then go to the party. But she was being really gaynor (gayna?) and said that I should just go in my pjs and no one would care. Fortunately I came up with a solution, I called Blick and asked her to go home and pick up a dress for me and bring it to the city for me. However in the craziness of dreams, I was back at home, picking out a dress to wear. Then I dreamt that I had made this purple satin dress, but I hadn't finished it yet. But I put it on and somehow the bottom unfolded and it began draping all over the floor. Frustrated I tried to take it off, but it became stuck. Quite unfortunate really. Sighborg, I really want to sew, and I really want that McCalls pattern.

I also dreamt that I was eating an apple and I noticed it tasted a bit weird, so I had a look at it, and saw that there was like rotten roots growing inside of the apple, because it was so old that it had passed the mould stage, and now there was like roots of mould in the apple. Seriously, jeebies kingdom. Also speaking of jeebies, 'dramatic lemeur' on you tube, one of the reasons I couldn't sleep last night.

Check out Weragoda's Xanga, the link is on the right. 'Tis quite funny.
It's not that I can't wait to not study, I can't wait to not feel guilty about not studying.

Danger Danger Danger

2008-11-18T13:19:00.009+11:00

Just when we thought Yo Gabba Gabba couldn't get any weirder..

That is Elijah Wood. Lex don't pretend you don't enjoy it.

Put the shandy in the fridge...

2008-11-17T11:38:00.014+11:00

Okay I must blog my dream from last night before I forget it.
Last night I dreamt that I was in Bon's house and Aunty Sharon was cooking lunch for us. And I don't know how, she was going more crazy than my mother. She was yelling at Ruth and I for not helping to cook and Ruth was just sitting on Bon's couch watching TV and I was trying to study for Chinese. Anyway, I got a bit freaked out so I went to Bon's room to talk to him, and he was sitting at his computer, doing an assignment or something. Enoch came in and I made a comment about him being nice enough to walk over to Beny's room, and Enoch was like..it's because Ben told me online to come over or something random like that.
Anyway then they started whispering about something, so I gathered it was my cue to leave the room. I went back to the kitchen popping by Mische's room on the way. Some how in her room, there were those IKEA childrens chairs only giant surrounding the IKEA childrens plastic table, which was also giant. I was a bit confused so I went back to the kitchen. Aunty Sharon had calmed down, but also got herself a very nice haircut. And that was all...

I have been cleaning out my room and managed to find a whole load of crap. Cleared out my books from yr 7 and now my room is messier than it started..Would post photos, but it is highly embarssing. And I just realised, I have a headband/piece fettish. And I like to keep all my crap from years ago; I must learn to be more ruthless. On the upside of cleaning my room, I have almost rid myself of my stupid PC, and my room can become and PC free zone. Marcus you can 'Bill Gates forever' and I thought I'd be like that too, until I turned Mac. Do it, it will save your life. Anyway here is some of the stuff that I found in my room:

You might need to open them to read them properly.

The first is Radha in yr 7 when we went to the zoo, the second is from yr 7 english written by Radha and the final is a conversation between Rach & I in yr 9 english.

1 exam left, then good times and free grog...not really but I am extremely excited to go back to Malaysia, China and Hong Kong to just shop! I have been trying to surpress my buying urges and think that in 2 weeks, I can just go crazy...Oh and also very excited to see my favourite cousins and just chill with them for a month. So Jiun get the shandy ready, but no we will not quote: "get drunk and have sex with pandaran brewmaster". (You possibly may have been drunk when you sent me that message, or on drugs...) Oh also get your kakak ready, ahh Maria my favourite kakak in the whole world, yes I still remember her name. See you on the 27th!

Today went to the Glen Library to study for Chinese, unsuccessful as per usual. Not because I was distracted, but because I just fully cant be bothered anymore. Then went to eat churros with Lexus and Ruffus, was pretty good, but a tad too oily. We had to wash it down with some boost which had too much green tea and looked like shatner, William Shatner. Then met up with Leng (how I love thee!), Pete and Jon and just sat at maccas for ages just eaing and talking. T'was good fun. I came home and cleaned up a bit more, the mess is getting better, but I shall resist cleaning and doing some art to study! And Jiun 我不要讲汉语! Sorry.

Bring Back Henry

2008-11-16T03:54:00.006+11:00

Pretty much getting a divorce.

Not happy about the loss.

I don't blame him, okay I do partially, but still getting a divorce.
Bring back Henry, that is all I can say, bring back Henry.

And perhaps Freddie Ljungberg..

Sleep Don't Weep

2008-11-15T15:23:00.007+11:00

Okay after like 4 hours of sleep, and 2 hours of tuition, I believe it is officially nap time.
So last night I decided to write some more Chinese essays and was trying to describe a kangaroo as a vegetarian. In my half asleep state, I ended up writing 吃素的人. Cos everyone knows that kangaroos are humans right? In my defense, I couldn't find it in the dictionary because I kept falling in and out of sleep. Not really an excuse, but yeah...On another note, no more tuition FOREVER!

Anyway, so picking my Lex and Rufus at 4 am was a killer. Not because I was tired, but because I stupidly decided to drive in shorts and a singlet. Doesn't sound that bad, but as I was driving, my leg was shaking uncontrollably and I had to try to stop it, but to no avail. I prayed for it to stop and it did for about 30 seconds, before it began shaking again. I tried turning on the heater, but I didn't know how (another reason why your car sucks Lex), and turned the thermostat up to 80∘F which equates to what? I don't know. Anyway didn't really work, my leg kept shaking. I was really scared that I was going to crash, but surprisingly the speedometer didn't fluctuate at all. Thank goodness.

Anyway, I picked them up and Lex helped me to turn on the heater and I was hurled abusive insults from my sister about my driving and just me in general. Came home and jie tried to convince me to sleep with her?! And threatened that if I didn't that she would take the "pork skin" of my knee cap and roast it. She also said that I was keeping her warm and that I wanted to take one for the team and had expressed this the night before. Apologies must go to Binh who did not send me the message, but t'was jie. However he is an idiot for giving her his phone anyway. Oh and I must share my favourite quote from my sister, "Binh likes white chicks, but why? White chicks don't even like rice!" Ahh jie, you are hilarious.

I didn't get to sleep until 5am, and had a terrible sleep. Then Ruth and Lex decided to wake me up at 10 by getting into my bed and stealing all of my warmth. I don't know how they managed to, but they ended up kicking me out of my own bed and I was left again in my singlet and shorts, freezing my ass off. Then they made me get up to make them breakfast, as if they couldn't do it themselves! Anyway pancakes were terrible and for that I blame you Lex - I told you that we couldn't skip step 4! Anyway sleep deprived, must go to sleep. Thanks guys, I love you both so much. And no, hunger is no an excuse to abuse me.

Goodnight

Womaniser

2008-11-15T00:26:00.009+11:00

Lexus posed an interesting question to me today and have been thinking about it ever since: can a man ever pull of a dress? And not just models, like in day to day existence. In my experience, the answer is simply no, but if you can find me someone who can pull it off, please do share it with me. All you have to do is go google 'man wearing dress' only then you'll understand how difficult a task that it actually is.

One more exam to go, in one more week. I love chinese - I made up a canto word today and said it to my grandma. Oh the shame. Probably was a good idea to stay in and study, but so many parties going on tonight, I'm completely and utterly jealous, but more to the point I'm 'depressed' as Ongas so lovingly puts it. Maybe, just another reason to hate Lex, but I suppose an upside is I have his car, so if anyone wants a lift? I know you love your car, but I still can't drive it - as evident from my turn which used all 3 lanes. Yes I'm slow to realise, but the steering is heavy and in my defense, I was too distracted with the lousy accelerator. And it makes that 'wher' noise, which I'm not going to imitate again. Oh well, at least I can carry more than 1 passenger legally. Sucks to be who? (Applies to Binh too - and yes I really do have my license. And you just sent me a message which makes no sense at all, 'G i am gay p'. On the upside alcohol stops you from lying.)

For the first time in about 5 days, I didn't dream last night. Which I found quite odd really. I think my sleep was distracted by my mother who decided to tell me something about Sushi, which I didn't even listen to either. So sorry Wikity - my number 1 fan. I love you.

Happy Birthday Joce, Phyna & Spleen

Alex - you're a womaniser

Just another dream

2008-11-13T12:42:00.007+11:00

Last night I dreamt that it would be a good idea if the girls from Haileybury to leave Haileybury and return to Glenny. So everyone except Mel Borg-Manche went back to glenny and I think we graduated there? And like had Valedictory dinner there (do they even have valedictory dinner?) Anyway, straight after valedictory, we realised what a stupid mistake we had made and then wanted to go back to Haileybury. But unfortunately the Chemistry exam was on, so we had to do the exam at glenny.
I also dreamt that Marcus couldn't smell after his op and he was really really EMO and crazy. Like more than you've ever seen him. He was going psycho at me and I tried to comfort him by saying 'It's okay' (yeah real comforting), but surprisingly he wasn't comforted and started going crazy at me again. Hopefully, he won't have a robotic arm and he'll finally be able to smell.
I don't really remember my dreams in the day time, I have to write them down when I wake up...so yes that is the explanation for the lack of depth in my dream today. I woke up at 7, I wasn't going to get up earlier to document my dream.

I hate Alex.

If you are one of the privileged ones to read my blog. This was probably the highlight of my day.
I was thinking of bigger public humiliation (facebook), but that would just be too cruel. Your nose must have had a mighty amount of crap in there considering the size of that thing up your nose. So far, both of my dreams have not come true (and Marcus was upset that his claw was so pathetic), so hopefully all goes well.

Get well soon Fei Zai.

An improvement from last time? I think not...

Fantasy equals salvation

2008-11-12T08:49:00.007+11:00

Last night I dreamt that Marcus had somehow severed off his arm and it was replaced with a robotic arm - sorta like the security guard off Scrubs (minus the hair, keep the deng), except his claw was robotic! Anyway he was hiding from these 'bad guys' if you like, somehow we ended up in this hotel (which surprisingly looked like my upstairs lounge room) and we were scrambling to hide his mobile phone.
I'm so in love with my baby, that it has a part in my dream. I told him to bluetooth all the information from his phone to my mac, but he refused saying that he didn't want me to die. So we decided it just would be best to sacrifice his phone. I don't know how I ended up doing it, but I went downstairs into my dining room and gave the phone to a little girl in a red dress and pigtails and went back upstairs.
Then the strangest thing happened, I turned into Marcus and was listening to me yelling at him. I started telling him to wear slippers because it was cold? And that the only reason that he didn't care if his feet fell off was because he already had a robotic arm. So me being him, I went upstairs to my room (remembering this is somehow happening in my house) to grab my slippers. But I couldn't find them anywhere, so I moved my bed and found them underneath there. But they weren't just slippers, they were like slippers cross shin guards, 'cos they had ankle guards on them. Why? I don't know. Then I heard my doorbell and went downstairs and opened the door. That was it.
Then there was a random scene change and we were suddenly walking long a main road on the footpath with Mark. And as usual Mark and Marcus were goofing off singing random songs, as they do.

Perhaps my dream was merely a preminission (don't know if that's even a real word or if it's spelt that way) about what is to come my friend. When Marcus comes out of the theatre, don't be surprised to see a metallic silver robotic hand attached to his arm.

Wake up

Sleeping To Dream

2008-11-11T21:21:00.003+11:00

Nothing else needs to be said...

Where everything was exactly as it seemed

2008-11-10T19:23:00.002+11:00

Last night I had the most random dream. Not that all of my dreams aren't random, but that's not the point.
I was paying for a parking ticket, at a ATM, and somehow there was 20 bucks coming out of the ATM. To my joy, I took the 20 and went into my wallet to get a 10, which was the cost of the ticket.But I had a random wad of 5's so I thought, why not get rid of poo money? So I took out a 5, and stuck it into the machine and for some reason (not really) it registered as 5 dollars, and I was furious, cos I thought that I had put in a 10. Anyway I took out another 5 and then this man came past and swiped it from my hand, so I called the ticket inspector to chase him and he did. Don't know why he did, but he got me my money back. Then I took the 5 and was about to put it into the machine, then the guy came back and held a gun to my head and told me to give him the money; I complied.
I ran into the shop next to the ATM, and started screaming to the woman at the register & randomly, instead of calling security, she just started typing 'Please help, under attack' on her computer. Anyway, freaking out, I pulled two empty shelves together and hid in the bottom shelf. All the women in the store were like 'Man, she's got a good hiding spot!', and they just hid behind the counter. As I was hiding in the shelf, I started thinking, 'damn I only paid 10 bucks for that ticket, and gained 10'. Shows how asian I am, thinking about such random things in times of distress. Anyway the bandit comes into the store looks around and takes some candy bars before walking out. While he's doing so, all the women are whimpering, cos yes their hiding spots sucked. But the man didn't notice and walked out.
Okay long story short, I ran to the other side of this town place thing I was in, and ended up working in an old friend's chinese restaurants, giving out shoes for patrons who wanted to eat at the restaurant. Why? I don't know. Then my alarm woke me up at 7am.
Today, I went to Wheelers Hill Library by myself, yes I have no friends. Studied Chem from 11 till 4:30, then I came home 'cos I couldn't tahan how hungry I was. Strangely enough, when I got home, I didn't even eat.
What's the point? Whether it be my dreams or reality, I do weird things.

This is our last goodbye.

One True Love

2008-11-07T19:53:00.000+11:00

I have fallen in love.

Yes Alex and Jon are idiots...

On another note, today marked the first day of Team "Thề Ðưć". Many thanks must go to Tang the Duc for his commitment to the team in giving us his name. And for being my slave, that goes for the rest of Team Thề Ðưć". Thanks for the slave labour :)

......... . ....Sleeze boy.....................Harry Potter

Oh and had a flat tyre. Thanks Pastor Timathigh for helping us out :)

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